It does get better, but not just right now

Hello, fellow few readers. I am deeply sorry that I haven't been writing here for a while. I edited this post after a few months because I felt it was indeed too personal. I'll just let a few paragraphs remain for reasons.

That one day that I did go to school these past weeks was horrible from the start. The freezing weather outside, the useless subjects I had that day, the project that was half-assed, the mood from home, my sore tooth, everything. When I got in class I swear I never felt so far-away from anyone. I felt out of place. I just wanted to go back home, to go back to my things, to find a solution or something.

That day passed. I got an A on my project. Fortunately, it was a team project, so the other two teammates of mine did a great job and with what else I could have helped them then, it didn't turn out that bad. Also the teacher was in a good mood, and since we were the first ones to present it, she gave us credit for breaking the ice.

The next day, after a few hours the problem got solved, and the house was cozy again. Suddenly everything seemed brighter. I must tell you now that things weren't all that bad as of right then. A friend lent me her laptop for however long I needed it since she had a spare one. I got a project proposal that seems very promising. Winter is ending soon enough, so the bills will subside.

Things might not look so bright as of now, but they do get better. Trust in that. Look for the little signs. Some random text messages that I got those days were the things that kept me going. The books I was reading as well. The kindness of your friends and their readiness to help you when you're down. Cherish that. Not many have that. Keep an ear out for that one song on the radio that will make your day. Go outside and smile. Try and forget about your problems for an hour or two.

This too shall pass.

But not quite now.

Have a little patience.

It does get better.

Scumbag

I seriously can't get my head around the fact that you have friends, friends that actually have an honest good opinion of you. You, who are the meanest, the worst kind of person I might have ever met. Always with hidden intentions, wanting all for yourself, not caring if in the process you hurt people or no. Using people daily as tools, thinking you're the best that anyone could ask for.

I truly wonder if these so called friends of yours are either so blinded by everything you do, or are as corrupt as you are. Or they just don't care that much after all about you, and chose to ignore all your awful shit. Either way, I cannot look at them the same way either.

Don't you dare come after me ever again with the puppy face or ever ask me how you wronged me or apologize. Because I know all of it is just a nasty act to get what you want.

Find someone else to put up with your shit. Consider me dead.

I found out~

This is such a lovely song by them. Their songs always have helped me out in life when it got tough and it makes me feel as if there's some kind of spiritual connection between the band and their fans. Even their covers are amazing and fit their style (Long Distance Call, for example and not only, Sunday, Bloody Sunday too) Also, Hayley is such a nice person (she even has a Tumblr account so she can connect with fans easier!)

On another note, I keep on having weird dreams that are so fucked up, so messed up that I can't even understand what is going on in my head. Either people from my past come up in them, which I haven't seen in many months to years even and they say these strange things that stir me up so badly, or the same recurring people which I see on a daily basis. And I try to stay away from any possible drama, I'm trying to study more and more for my upcoming exams and nothing is helping me to do so. My family is acting hectic as usual, there's no peace and quiet in the house, at school we just waste time, 'cause either the teachers don't come in or they don't teach anything or they just waste our time with feeble stories about antique events that are irrelevant to us.

Also, I'm kinda having guilt trips for breaking up with my former boyfriend, 'cause my friends tell me he's just mopping around and been sad. And we weren't even that much long together, and it's kinda awkward now when I see him in school.. Well, at least I'll be leaving in the summer, so he won't have to see me any-more that much, though we hang out in the same group..

I'll just give up any kind of socializing, just go to school, stay in class during the breaks, go to my tutoring lessons, then home and that'll be it till middle of July. Any free time will be allocated for studying and maybe a movie or a tv-show. But inside my room, on my PC. I will turn off my phone. I will not visit facebook or any other online form of socializing. Of course all of this won't be 100% possible, but hey, at least I'll be trying.

On a happier note (I think), I've been thinking to buy a laptop for myself, since my birthday is coming up. I've set my eyes on an Asus K53SC-SX140D, and I'm literally in love with it. But I think I'm going to postpone buying it until I get into college because I don't want to feel tempted to skip studying to play video games on it xD

Oh my..

Yet again I'm surprised by my.. awesomeness xD

Sorry, just had to say it. When you're this good and it even surprises your own self. Ok, I'll stop bragging before someone shoots me.

Sue me for having high self esteem. Come on, I dare you.

So...

Her obsessing with you is making my missing you seem like it's nothing.

Can this change please?

Introduction in 2012

I really can't get my head around the idea that even though you don't do anything at all, some things can just drastically change overnight. You get a phone call or a message, and that's when those around you are nice enough to make you aware of the change. You finish reading or listening, and go on with your life just as before. But it's not quite like that.

They either step out of your life. Or enter brutally without any thought of backing. Or you're faced with a decision that you must make as soon as possible or some opportunity slips away from you.

I've always believed that it's better to regret doing something than wonder aimlessly how it could've been.

On another note, I've started listening to German songs more and more and I think I'm getting addicted! I really like Silbermond and Jennifer Rostock but bands like Sportfreunde Stiller as well!

This is such a silly nice song that I adore to start singing randomly because the lyrics are really kinky, but few people understand German, so I don't get any weird stares when I burst out saying "Du willst mir an die Wasche" XD

Also, I can't wait for Sherlock Holmes episode 3 to come out on BBC this Sunday, though I doubt I can watch it on the livestream since I'm going back to school starting this Monday. No more outings for me (ok, maybe rarely) till July! I'm gonna study like crazy, since 5 months of my life spent exclusively reading and learning stuff won't do me any bad in the end :) You can always party like crazy, but you gotta study when you gotta study.

I hope things will calm down steadily regarding everything and everyone. I don't know how I can keep up with all this stress and craziness going around me. I just want sometimes to lock myself in my room from a month or so with my books and lessons and be left alone so I can be sure I will do well in my exams.

Day 4

4. What will be the last place you will visit?


As weird as it may sound, I think I would go to the cemetery where my father is buried, since I seldom go there, barely once a year. I do not actually believe in afterlife or heaven and hell, so that might be the only chance I might get to commemorate him ever again.