Scumbag

I seriously can't get my head around the fact that you have friends, friends that actually have an honest good opinion of you. You, who are the meanest, the worst kind of person I might have ever met. Always with hidden intentions, wanting all for yourself, not caring if in the process you hurt people or no. Using people daily as tools, thinking you're the best that anyone could ask for.

I truly wonder if these so called friends of yours are either so blinded by everything you do, or are as corrupt as you are. Or they just don't care that much after all about you, and chose to ignore all your awful shit. Either way, I cannot look at them the same way either.

Don't you dare come after me ever again with the puppy face or ever ask me how you wronged me or apologize. Because I know all of it is just a nasty act to get what you want.

Find someone else to put up with your shit. Consider me dead.

I found out~

This is such a lovely song by them. Their songs always have helped me out in life when it got tough and it makes me feel as if there's some kind of spiritual connection between the band and their fans. Even their covers are amazing and fit their style (Long Distance Call, for example and not only, Sunday, Bloody Sunday too) Also, Hayley is such a nice person (she even has a Tumblr account so she can connect with fans easier!)

On another note, I keep on having weird dreams that are so fucked up, so messed up that I can't even understand what is going on in my head. Either people from my past come up in them, which I haven't seen in many months to years even and they say these strange things that stir me up so badly, or the same recurring people which I see on a daily basis. And I try to stay away from any possible drama, I'm trying to study more and more for my upcoming exams and nothing is helping me to do so. My family is acting hectic as usual, there's no peace and quiet in the house, at school we just waste time, 'cause either the teachers don't come in or they don't teach anything or they just waste our time with feeble stories about antique events that are irrelevant to us.

Also, I'm kinda having guilt trips for breaking up with my former boyfriend, 'cause my friends tell me he's just mopping around and been sad. And we weren't even that much long together, and it's kinda awkward now when I see him in school.. Well, at least I'll be leaving in the summer, so he won't have to see me any-more that much, though we hang out in the same group..

I'll just give up any kind of socializing, just go to school, stay in class during the breaks, go to my tutoring lessons, then home and that'll be it till middle of July. Any free time will be allocated for studying and maybe a movie or a tv-show. But inside my room, on my PC. I will turn off my phone. I will not visit facebook or any other online form of socializing. Of course all of this won't be 100% possible, but hey, at least I'll be trying.

On a happier note (I think), I've been thinking to buy a laptop for myself, since my birthday is coming up. I've set my eyes on an Asus K53SC-SX140D, and I'm literally in love with it. But I think I'm going to postpone buying it until I get into college because I don't want to feel tempted to skip studying to play video games on it xD

Oh my..

Yet again I'm surprised by my.. awesomeness xD

Sorry, just had to say it. When you're this good and it even surprises your own self. Ok, I'll stop bragging before someone shoots me.

Sue me for having high self esteem. Come on, I dare you.

So...

Her obsessing with you is making my missing you seem like it's nothing.

Can this change please?

Introduction in 2012

I really can't get my head around the idea that even though you don't do anything at all, some things can just drastically change overnight. You get a phone call or a message, and that's when those around you are nice enough to make you aware of the change. You finish reading or listening, and go on with your life just as before. But it's not quite like that.

They either step out of your life. Or enter brutally without any thought of backing. Or you're faced with a decision that you must make as soon as possible or some opportunity slips away from you.

I've always believed that it's better to regret doing something than wonder aimlessly how it could've been.

On another note, I've started listening to German songs more and more and I think I'm getting addicted! I really like Silbermond and Jennifer Rostock but bands like Sportfreunde Stiller as well!

This is such a silly nice song that I adore to start singing randomly because the lyrics are really kinky, but few people understand German, so I don't get any weird stares when I burst out saying "Du willst mir an die Wasche" XD

Also, I can't wait for Sherlock Holmes episode 3 to come out on BBC this Sunday, though I doubt I can watch it on the livestream since I'm going back to school starting this Monday. No more outings for me (ok, maybe rarely) till July! I'm gonna study like crazy, since 5 months of my life spent exclusively reading and learning stuff won't do me any bad in the end :) You can always party like crazy, but you gotta study when you gotta study.

I hope things will calm down steadily regarding everything and everyone. I don't know how I can keep up with all this stress and craziness going around me. I just want sometimes to lock myself in my room from a month or so with my books and lessons and be left alone so I can be sure I will do well in my exams.

Day 4

4. What will be the last place you will visit?


As weird as it may sound, I think I would go to the cemetery where my father is buried, since I seldom go there, barely once a year. I do not actually believe in afterlife or heaven and hell, so that might be the only chance I might get to commemorate him ever again.